Fic: Never Take Advice From Dean Winchester
Author: hils —
Word Count: 1953
Summary: Castiel wants to do something special for Sam and decides Dean is the only one to help him. Unfortunately.
Notes: Gift for lilchibibunny — for the sassy_otp — fanworks exchange. I tried to use all of your prompts. Hope you like
Thanks to isarae — and zanyrainey — for the beta work
“Dean, I require your assistance.”
Castiel had honestly expected that, given how long they had known each other, Dean would be used to his sudden appearances by now. But as usual, Dean jumped at the sound of his voice and almost dropped the plate he was washing.
“Cas, we’ve talked about this. Warn a guy before you poof into the room. And while we’re at it, is the word ‘hello’ not in your vocabulary?”
Dean sighed. “What do you need? Got a job? Because let me tell you I am aching to kill something right about now.”
Castiel’s eyes flitted about the room. He could already tell Sam wasn’t here, but it didn’t hurt to check. “Is your brother here?”
“No, Sam went grocery shopping. I can call if you need him?”
Castiel grabbed Dean’s arm as he reached for his phone. “No, this is a delicate matter and we need to be alone.”
Dean sighed again and tossed the washcloth back into the sink. “I had a feeling this might be coming. Look, Cas, you’re an okay guy for an angel but I just don’t swing that way. Sorry.”
Castiel frowned. Occasionally, he wished there was a dictionary of some sort for the slang terms that Dean used. “I don’t understand.”
“Jeez, you don’t make this easy do you?” Dean muttered. “I’m saying nothing is ever going to happen between us. Ever.”
Castiel stared at Dean, eyes wide and unblinking as he tried to process what Dean was saying. “Dean, I came here to tell you that I have developed certain feelings for your brother and-“
“Whoa!” Dean raised his hand. “Are you telling me you’ve got the hots for Sam?”
“Not. . .” Dean coughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, how about we just pretend the last five minutes never happened, okay?”
“If you wish,” Castiel replied. No matter how much time he spent on Earth, humans would always be perplexing to him. Especially Dean.
“Good,” Dean said. “Because I do not need to know that you want to bone my brother, okay? I should have figured really, with all the old books and stuff you keep bringing him.”
“Is it not customary to bring gifts to the person with whom you wish to couple?” Castiel asked. “That was my understanding.”
“Yeah, I guess it is,” Dean shrugged. “But I don’t need to know the details of your feelings or whatever. Go tell him that. You want my blessing or something? You got it. The kid needs to get laid like yesterday."
“I could travel to the past if you feel that would be beneficial,” Castiel replied. “Although I’m not sure what difference one day would make.”
“That’s not what I. . . never mind, okay. Just go find Sam and tell him how you feel. You’ve got my blessing.”
Castiel frowned. Dean had a frustrating way of believing himself to be the center of everything. “I didn’t come here for your blessing, Dean. I wish for you to teach me how to make pancakes.”
“Oh. Wait, what?”
* * *
“The important thing is to make sure the heat isn’t too high, otherwise they’ll burn.”
Castiel nodded. He’d memorized all of Dean’s instructions and was pleased to find that pancakes were not as complicated as he’d first expected. He was now more than ready to bestow his next gift upon Sam.
Dean cleared his throat. “Cas, I know I said I didn’t want to know but if you’re really interested in Sam you’re going to have to make a move because he sure as hell won’t.”
“Do you think your brother finds me unappealing?”
The thought was too much to bear. He'd come to value Sam's company in the past few months and the idea that Sam might not return his affections was just too painful to contemplate.
“Cas, have you seen the way Sam looks at you?” Dean replied, focusing very firmly on finishing the last pancake of their lesson. “Trust me. He’s into you. He just doesn’t think he’s worthy. It’s a Winchester thing. That’s why you need to be the one to make a move.”
Castiel frowned. “What sort of move should I make?”
“Don’t worry,” Dean grinned. “I’ve got a few ideas.”
* * *
“What’s this?” Sam asked as he stepped into the kitchen the next day. Castiel, with Dean’s help, had made sure the house was empty so he could spring his surprise on Sam. He'd been making pancakes for awhile now, and Dean had insisted on sampling some before he left. Just to make sure they had been cooked properly, of course. For all his faults, Dean was a good man when it came to helping with things like that.
“Today is a special day,” he replied, as Sam took in the table laden with several different types of syrup in preparation. “I wanted to share it with you. Please, sit down. I’m almost ready.”
“It’s Tuesday,” Sam said as he took a seat. “I didn’t realize it was anything special. What’s the occasion?”
“Traditionally, the day before Lent in Europe, people would feast to use up ingredients such as sugar, fat and eggs before fasting. They would make and eat things like pancakes. It's called Shrove Tuesday.”
“And that’s today?” Sam asked as Castiel set down a large plate of steaming hot pancakes in front of him.
Castiel nodded. “I know you don’t observe fasting for Lent but I wanted to do something for you and I know you’re interested in the customs of other countries.”
Sam smiled and Castiel was surprised to find he’d actually been nervous. He hadn’t even realized until the relief hit him when Sam started eating.
“Wow, these are actually really good,” Sam said between mouthfuls. “I didn’t know you could cook.”
“Dean taught me.”
Sam let out a small 'hmm' and carried on eating. Castiel watched him, suddenly struck by the urge to kiss away a spot of syrup at the corner of Sam's mouth.
Dean was right, Castiel decided. If he wanted to take things further with Sam, he was going to have to act. He was a soldier of God and therefore, had no reason to be afraid of such things or shy away from them.
“Sam, are you lost?”
“What?” Sam asked with a frown.
“I said, are you lost?”
Now Sam looked very confused and Castiel was wondering if this was such a good idea.
“Cas, how can I be lost? We’re in Bobby’s kitchen.”
“Oh. I was just wondering if you were lost because Heaven is so far from here.”
Sam’s frown deepened even further as he set his fork down. "Are you okay? Because...I have no idea what you're talking about.”
Perhaps Castiel was remembering Dean’s words incorrectly or he’d misunderstood what he was supposed to say. He tried again.
“Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel.”
Sam blinked at him.
“Are you religious?” Castiel pressed on. “Because I have the answer to all your prayers in my pants.”
Sam started to laugh. “Cas . . . are you hitting on me? With really bad pickup lines?”
As Sam continued to laugh, Castiel decided that another mission to Hell would be preferable to the current situation.
So he did what any self-respecting angel would do. He flew away.
* * *
“He laughed at me, Dean. In your words, I 'suck' at this."
“Really? Even at the prayers in my pants line? I was sure that one would work.”
Castiel sighed and tried to push down the feelings of distress and humiliation bubbling away inside him. “I think asking for your advice was a mistake.”
“I told you I’m no good at this romance stuff,” Dean huffed. “When I want to bang a chick, I just make up a really cool job. And that’s not going to wash with Sam because he knows you. Just, I dunno, be yourself.”
That was definitely something Castiel could do.
* * *
“I’m sorry,” Sam said as soon as Castiel reappeared in the kitchen. His face was open, earnest and full of regret. It made Castiel remember why he had come to care for Sam in the first place.
Castiel nodded. “It’s all right, Sam. I have come to realize that taking romance advice from your brother is an unwise course of action.”
“I’ll say,” Sam snorted. “Dean wouldn’t know romance if it danced in front of him wearing a dress.”
Well, Sam didn’t seem to be fleeing in horror at the prospect of romance with Castiel so he took that to be a good sign. He knelt down by the table and took Sam’s hand in his. Deciding, for one last time, to take Dean’s advice and this time be himself.
“I care for you a great deal, Sam. You are kind, intelligent, generous and you have lovely hair. I am proud to call you my friend and wish to now call you something more than that.”
The humour fell away from Sam’s face and he stared at Castiel, eyes wide with shock. “But I have demon blood. I’m an abomination, you said so yourself.”
Castiel shook his head. “I can only apologize for using that word while I was intoxicated. You have shown yourself to be above the taint that was forced upon you as an infant. You are a good man, Sam Winchester.”
Sam was still staring at him and Castiel was alarmed to see his eyes shining with tears. This was too much. First he’d made Sam laugh at him and now he was going to make him cry. He really was the worst prospective suitor ever.
“Oh, will you two just kiss already!”
Sam blinked and, thankfully, the tears melted away. Castiel was about to express his gratitude for the interruption when he realized who it was.
“How long have you been watching us, Gabriel?”
“Long enough,” Gabriel said, shrugging from the other side of the room where he was leaning against the wall. “I like to keep an eye on my little bro and my favorite Winchester. Besides, I was hoping you two would get it on so I could finish off the pancakes. Which, FYI, don’t have enough syrup on them.”
“Uhh. . .” Sam stuttered.
Gabriel walked over, snatched the plate in front of Sam and drenched the pancakes with every type of syrup Castiel had laid out.
“Gabriel, I think we would appreciate not having an audience for this,” Castiel finally ventured, when it became obvious his older brother was watching them intently while he ate.
Gabriel shrugged again, snapped his fingers and vanished, taking the pancakes with him.
“Well, that was weird,” Sam said with a nervous chuckle.
“I think Gabriel cares more than he likes to say,” Castiel replied. “I’m sure he only wishes for us to be happy.”
“And I’d make you happy?” Sam asked. “You really don’t think I’m an abomination?”
Castiel shook his head and the smile he got in return made the entire unpleasant experience worthwhile.
“You really want us to be more than friends?”
Sam’s smile widened as he rose from his seat. “Well...it would be wrong of us to ignore the orders of an archangel, right?”
“Very wrong,” Castiel agreed. “Gabriel could return at any moment to smite us.”
Sam kissed him. It was soft and warm and tasted of syrup. Castiel immediately decided that he liked pancake kisses. He’d have to make some more pancakes for Sam as soon as he could.
Or as soon as Gabriel returned with the syrup anyway.